7 Gifts My ASD Child Would Find Really Cool That A NT Child His Age Would Not Be Too Crazy About.

So it’s that time of year again; The time every parent is faced with the task of determining what gift to get their child for Christmas. For most parents of neurotypical kids, this wouldn’t really be classified as a task since they are usually able to communicate exactly what they want. The Christmas wish list of most typical boys my son’s age (12 going on13) would probably include X Boxes, video games or the latest trendy clothing or sneakers. In past years I have always tried to get him gifts that a typical child his age might like. Those, in most cases have only proven to be a waste of money since he only looks at it once and that’s the end of his interaction with it. My ASD child wouldn’t care for these gifts or even find them appealing. Because he is also non-verbal it’s difficult for him to communicate what would be the best gift ever and this makes it even more complicated.

Most ASD kids usually display routine, repetitive or obsessive behaviors and tend to become attached to objects they find fascinating that a neurotypical child of a similar age may find strange or less appealing. These oddities could turn out to be a blessing in disguise around this time of year. How so? Well firstly you have observed over time the things your child loves or is completely obsessed with. Secondly, in my case these are usually very cheap stuff so you save as opposed to spending a pretty buck on the latest cool gadget a typical kid his age would probably be hoping for.

Based on my observation over the years, I have come up with a list of gifts below my son would love that a typical child his age probably wouldn’t care for.

1.     Random Kitchen Utensils – A spoon, a whisk, or spatula might do the trick.

2.     Bubble Wrap – My son loves bubble wrap and will just literally sit and burst away for hours.

3.     Bubble Blowing Kit – Well most kids love bubbles but let’s face it… you won’t find this on a 12yr old NT boy’s Christmas wish list.

4.     Used Toys – If it’s a toy he actually likes he won’t care if it’s used or brand new.

5.     An Old Button-Up Shirt. – Why? Because he has sensory issues he usually seeks different ways to deal with it. One way is just rubbing the collar of a button up shirt with his fingers and hands. This always proves to be relaxing and calming to him.

6.     A Spray Bottle – My son enjoys spraying stuff in the air above him and feeling the mist or drops of liquid fall on him. I would be happy if it would have been water all the time but I have had cans of spray starch finish in half the time it should for this reason.

7.     A Bottle of Lotion/Liquid Soap/ Dishwashing Liquid- For some reason, just randomly pumping the liquids from these containers have proven to be gratifying to some extent but very costly for mom.

An ASD Birthday.

Every child always greatly anticipates celebrating their birthday. Understandably so, after all birthdays are usually fun, exciting and a time one can look forward to gifts and cake. It only happens once per year so it’s definitely worth celebrating the yearly milestones and also a great opportunity to socialize with family and friends. However, for a child on the autism spectrum it could be quite the opposite.

My son is twelve years old and still has no real concept of what a birthday is. Though he usually gets a cake with candles which he enjoys blowing out, he is by no means cognisant of the fact that the candles on the cake represents his age or is equivalent to the number of years he has been around since his birth. This of course is something a neurotypical 12 year old would be aware of. My son therefore does not look forward to birthdays since he has no concept of what a birthday is.

With every birthday new milestones are met and celebrated. For some children with autism some milestones take much longer to hit or are never met at all. Some children with autism remain the same age mentally for years in comparison to neurotypical children who mature mentally with age. While the parents of an eleven or twelve year old might be celebrating transitioning from Elementary to Junior High School, the parents of a severely autistic 11 or 12 year old could in contrast be celebrating their child being able to identify letters in the alphabet.

While birthday parties are usually fun for the celebrants, for a child with autism it could be easily overwhelming or in my son’s case something he is totally oblivious to. Though he may see and recognize familiar faces at his birthday party he is completely oblivious to the fact that all these people are there to celebrate 'his birthday' at ‘his party.’ He moves about the room hardly ever interacting with anyone because of his social awkwardness doing only what interests him. That could be playing with a toy or randomly poking his finger into the cake to lick the icing since in his twelve years of getting a birthday cake he has NEVER really cared about actually eating any of the cake itself.

So you’re probably wondering why bother buying a cake? Well for starters no one goes to a birthday party not expecting cake. So even if he doesn’t taste or eat any, his guests are looking forward to it. More importantly though is the look, the smile, the excitement on his face when he sees the candles being lit and the time comes for him to blow them out. This is the only part of his birthday he actually enjoys and takes the time to participate. In fact he enjoys blowing out candles to the point where he feels obliged to blow out the candles on other people’s cake when he’s at someone else's birthday party.

Letter to Autism from Melinda Hawkins

Dear Autism,

Because of you I have never known a day of normal parenting. Because of you my children will never know a normal day, or be able to interpret their surroundings correctly. Because of you, the world can be a scary place to them, and to me. I worry all the time, about the next melt down, the next anxiety attack, or screaming tantrum that makes every parent in a store turn and look my ......direction. I worry my children will never have a normal life, a normal career, a normal anything. Despite that, you still don't DEFINE my children. You don't have control, and despite the countless hours of therapy, intervention, extra time chasing down teachers, IEP, and researching more ways to help them, you still won't win. The things we have been through make us stronger... our house is full of love. Because of great doctors, and specialists, we are able to communicate, understand, find interventions we need. It's not a normal life... but by all means, it's still a good one. I'm thankful you are Autism instead of Cancer, or the many other conditions that could be considered worse. Autism, you have taught us how to be more patient, you have taught me how to love stronger, how to be smarter, how to be more resourceful as a parent. You've taught me to educate, to advocate, to stand up for what I believe in (my kids). You've taught me to be more understanding of other parents, to fight harder, to be there more, to have more faith. Because of you, I'm better as a parent. I pay attention more. I worry more... I'm more involved because I need to be, not just because I want to be. So thanks, Autism... because my kids are worth the fight.

Melinda Hawkins

Borrowed from the page: 

Single Mothers Who Have Children With Autism